"We have a unique gift and we should express it"
Six years ago I had a job in a plastic factory. I was doing shifts. I was also doing all the things you are supposed to do. I had a car, I was playing football, I was going to parties and smoking. I was feeling sad. I wasn’t fully satisfied and I knew something was supposed to happen to me. I was deeply insecure even if I was acting like I was confident. The job wasn’t satisfying - people there were all complaining - and the relationships in my life were filled with misunderstandings and things that had to be hidden. At home, even though I grew up in a small flat, I was feeling distant. I was a bit of a rebel and I always had to lie to my family about where I was going and what I was doing. The atmosphere at home was “gloomy” and “clogged”. With my friends, I would just go out with them to get f***ed up. I didn’t have a good relationship with them. There was no support and we didn’t speak about dreams and emotions. I also never had a real relationship with a girl, before leaving.
When you are not speaking the truth, you hide what you really are. This is not healthy. This is just covering up something that wants to be expressed. I said “What am I doing?”. I looked at myself and I thought “This is not what I should be doing”. I didn’t see any “escape” within this box of all these common cultural beliefs. One day I had the courage to do something. I left to go to Australia. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I wasn’t looking for something specific. I was somehow trying to escape. The beginning of my travels was a bit of an escape. I didn’t know how to find a solution within the narrative of finding a job, making money, eventually getting a girlfriend, getting married and buying a house. Travelling for me at the time was just going out of this comfort zone that wasn’t that comfortable, but was safe.
Because I want to expose myself to the world and be able to connect with the world and give the gift that I carry, unconditionally. My biggest gift is the belief, followed by action, in building a more beautiful world. A world that is more connected to the beauty and the life on earth.
I went to Australia alone, so I started having some responsibilities, like finding a place to stay, finding a job and cooking. I wasn’t in my house with my parents anymore. It was a little bit overwhelming at the beginning. After three days of resting, I went to a working hostel close to Cairns, in the Northeast of Australia. In the hostel rooms there were people living there for some time. People from all over the world speaking different languages that I didn’t know. Even my English was so terrible. Also, at the time I thought that hostel was so dirty and noisy. Usually, when I want to experience something, I experience it in the most immersive and intense way. The most intensive experience I can have, I'll have it (laughter). Sometimes it’s painful, but then, if you are strong enough to understand that it’s an opportunity, you can learn from it. From there, I started to be more confident. I realize, with these responsibilities, that I could make decisions to meet my needs in a way that was more aligned with what I felt inside, my purpose, that I already had since I was a kid. I loved being in nature and I loved plants and animals.
What are the key points of your transformation?
The dissolution of the sense of self. In that hostel, I realized I wasn’t the only one there, struggling. I just started to accept that everybody there was living the same experience, in their own ways. This is what triggered me to be more confident. I realized I wasn’t separated from others. I started to understand I could be part of them, interact and give something. I realized that, with my actions, I could create relationships with people and become friends with people, as well as learn new jobs. I challenged myself with the language, and I started learning English. I also started to live more naturally and be more connected with nature. I started to leave behind things that I thought weren’t necessary, starting with cigarettes, coffee and alcohol. Life became more free because I felt more free to express myself. I stopped judging myself as “not fitting the situation”. I started to accept myself as I was. I was able to grow and learn from all these new experiences transformed into opportunities from obstacles I thought I couldn’t face because of me thinking I wasn’t enough. I understood that I wasn’t alone. I understood that I was part of a group, in that case it was the hostel, but then this group started to expand. This has allowed me to feel at home wherever I go. I can be myself and be safe and not fearful of judgment everywhere I go. I always feel home and I find home, because I trust people and I receive trust. This “giving-receiving” was a big key in the process. Another important thing is honesty. I was trying not to lie to myself and others anymore. Everything changed when I started to be honest to myself. If I felt not satisfied with a job, I would have a conversation with myself: Do I really need it? Can I afford to change? Or, if somebody is not aligned with me, I don’t need to be a friend of this person. Even with my family things changed. I told them the real experiences I was having, and the reasons why I was having them. I wasn’t holding things in and dying inside.
Feeling part of a big family and creating connections with humans and nature, brought me to Permaculture, which is based on the fact that we are all living on one planet, we all rely on one another and we all have a purpose on this planet. I started to realize that, as human beings, we can have a beautiful impact. We have a unique gift and we should express it. In which way? not by building up our ego and transcending nature. Permaculture is a system based on nature and creating mutual beneficial relationships between the elements that are part of a system, in order to make the whole system work. Recognizing the necessity of diversity - considering all living and non-living beings, as a part of a miracle, which is life. Permaculture tries to create systems that are sustainable, energetically and ethically, by creating mutual beneficial relationships between all the different parts of life. The biggest expression of Permaculture is represented by eco villages, intentional communities that live together and try to live life in a more ecological way. Permaculture is also about the economical and political aspect, very crucial if you want to make a change. We need alternatives to capitalism. For example, permaculture tries to promote local currencies, informal trading, time banking and so on. Permaculture also creates local communities and production systems that have to be connected. Permaculture is about the world but it starts within you, accepting that what you do to others, you do it to yourself. When you take something, you also need to give. In the past five years I’ve been going to places as a volunteer. I love to gets my hands dirty and I love to sit down with people and listen to what they are doing. That allows me to learn, practice and also share the experience I have. Once back from Australia, I found such a good network of permaculture projects across Italy and I went from Milan to Palermo biking alone, volunteering and learning.
I had a complete transformation of my needs. I live a more simple life that requires less. What I try to do is to not depend, as much as I can, on money. I found out by experience that, the more I rely on something else than money, like nature and people, the more I find I get so much more meaning to meet my own needs. At the same time I feel a true exchange. It’s not just “you give me something, I give you money and that’s it”. By volunteering you are going to be in service, to help one another and stay together without the need for money. I found out the more I try to meet my own needs without money, the more I can build up truthful, trustful and meaningful relationships with people that inhabit this beautiful world. I still depend on money, though. I’m not living in this “moneyless utopia”. I live in a system that has so many structures that trap you in this need of money. I still pay for my tickets to go to Africa. I have money from my job at the plastic factory and some savings from Australia.
The advantages are that you wake up in the morning and you are free to choose what is going to happen, which is at the same time a disadvantage for some people. For somebody it can be very safe to know what they have to do. I can participate in projects for other people or I can create my own project by myself. So, the advantage is an increase of freedom, choice and action. Also, I can focus on more essential things. Another advantage is that you live more exposed to nature. You also meet people from all over the world so you have the chance to question your beliefs. You experience that people in other parts of the world can do without the things that you thought was necessary. From the other way around, you might see disadvantages. You don’t have economic safety in the long term. You don’t have a schedule. For some people these are issues.
Ask yourself why you want to do it. When you think you find some sort of an answer, make a decision. If you’re travelling like me at the beginning, if you want to escape from something, I would say: do it! Don’t have a fear of losing things. You know these things are not satisfying you. You are trying to get away from something that doesn’t make you feel good. In any case, it will be something you gain. If you just stagnate on what makes you feel bad, you are not going anywhere. Even if you “fail”, you come back changed. If you feel something is not right, go to the essentials of yourself. Think about yourself naked going to a place where nobody knows you. Don’t think “You’re not enough”. When you step out there, things will happen. You will see some abilities of yours that you don’t even know exist. If you have a clear idea of what you want to do, my advice is to not be too attached to your expectations. Be open to take different directions.
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